How to: sembang politik (and mengundi, maybe) without setting anything on fire

It is never too late to start a conversation with someone about politics - but primarily voting, now that we are in the last 48 hours; because every vote does count! So we actually thought long and hard on how to make this particular conversation a little less painful for you.

Full disclosure: we (by we, the author means herself) tried some of the steps ourselves with varying degrees of success.

Tip 1: Ask yourself why, and set some guidelines (if you want)

Why, as in why do you want to have this conversation? Do you have an end goal or a desired outcome from this conversation? what won’t you talk about and where do you draw the line?

It’s always best to keep your own intentions in check and (very gently) manage your own expectations. For instance, if you know this conversation is driven by curiosity rather than a particular end goal of changing someone’s mind; it makes you less likely to spend time persuading them to nowhere.

There’s no hard and fast rules to setting guidelines on potentially difficult conversations like this, but part of it lies with your relationship to this person and how safe you feel should it escalates. However, our key advice might be to 1) not have this conversation when you can be rushed and 2) not have it in an overly public/intimate setting, and 3) to always have it in person.

Tip 2: Listen to what they have to say (even if you might not necessarily like what they’re saying)

The (unfortunate) reality is sometimes even your loved one will hold views you don’t always, or don’t agree entirely with. Find out what’s important to them - the concerns, goals and values that drive a particular stance - rather than arguing over positions and trying to prove them wrong (even if they are.) Not only having more details on why people subscribe and hold on to certain beliefs help you understand their belief systems, but it also helps in figuring out what you and the other party may have in common. Asking them to explain themselves may also occasionally result in moments of self-reflection: sometimes you only realise there are gaps in your own knowledge or can’t really justify your viewpoints when someone asks you why.

Tip 3: Ask questions with the intent to understand

We know it may be tempting to ask the other person provoking questions; but again - are you provoking them to think or to argue with them? If it’s the latter, arguing may be counter-productive and end up derailing the conversation entirely. Some people may hold stronger opinions on certain matters and not everyone can or will be swayed by a single conversation. And that’s very normal!

Feel free to ask exploratory questions, rather than provocative ones. Additionally, try to suspend your judgment - you’re here to engage and the other person feeling you’re actively judging them will defeat this. Use language & non-verbal cues that clearly demonstrate you respect them outwardly. This may be something as simple as keeping an open posture & making genuine eye contact. You can also reflect back what you’re hearing of their meaning and concerns by verbally validating them (via phrases like “I see,” “I understand that you’re passionate about this,” “I appreciate you sharing this with me,” and so on) because the whole point is really to allow the other person to feel less anxious about exploring and sharing their views.

Tip 4: Establish (some) common ground

There usually is something that you both share - this could be core hopes and aspirations (better public transport and safer cities!), but also like how inappropriate certain campaigning tactics can be. Do try your to find this common ground, and a way to do so is by opening a thread of conversation or segueing into this with a neutral statement. For instance, if you want to talk about voting and perhaps persuade your loved one into going; you can attempt to bring this up by casually that the general elections are coming soon and now you’re both eligible to vote.

Tip 5: Stick to talking on specific issues (especially if it’s directly relevant to their lives and interests)

This works with both people who do and don’t care deeply about the day-to-day grind of Malaysian politics. Focus on specific issues such as climate change, rising living costs and public transportation and mobility instead of centering political figures or party platforms. People do tend to feel more interest and importance in issues that have or may affect their lives, or the lives of their loved ones. It’s also best to never assume that you definitively know or are able guess one’s political beliefs just because the person fits a stereotype on the surface.

Tip 6: …know when to let the conversation go.

If the conversation starts stressing the hell out of you to the point where it affects you physically, that is your cue to move away from the topic or end it entirely. Again, sometimes people can be unmovable and you might want to take an agree-to-disagree approach.

Pause/shift the conversation topic if:

• the other party is disrespectful or rude, or you’re both resorting to being so

• your personal identity (gender, ethnicity, sexuality, and so on) is being brought into the conversation in a negative or charged way

• the conversation makes you feel anxious and/or frustrated

Finally - the thing to remember if you’re having conversations about voting specifically (since it is two days away from voting day, anyway) is to be aware of both its importance and limitations in real life. Voting is your basic right as a citizen and can be powerful enough to swing the balance of an electoral win, but an election will not miraculously fix our society and it shouldn’t be the only thing to focus on. This to say that yes, electoral politics do shape our society, but there are other forces capable of shifting and shaping it as well. TL; DR: voting is one of the many (but perhaps most basic) ways to participate politically and you should do it, especially if you’re in a position of relative privilege.